Getting Unstuck #19

Depression and Misery

It is the holiday season. A time of joy and celebration. It is also a time of frustration, anxiety, isolation and depression.

Just when I think I’m out, they pull me back in. – Michael Corleone – GodFather 3

Misery loves company, and it will do whatever it can to keep you in the depths of despair. ~ Frank Zaccari, CEO/ Author/Speaker

The first step is asking for help. Many people and resources are ready and willing to stand with you. The first step is up to you.

Facing the Monster

Depression is often the elephant in the room. We all deal with depression many times throughout our life. The monster moves in for many reasons:

• We are passed over for a deserved promotion – again

• Our marriage or committed relationship ends

• Our job is eliminating by a reduction in force or by COVID or by the federal cuts

• The death of a loved one or friend

• The Buffalo Bills haven’t win the Super Bowl yet

There are many reasons for depression. Some we get over quickly, some we never get over. The monster is the most severe form of depression. It even has a name – Clinical Depression. The Mayo Clinic report there are over 3 million cases of clinical depression a year. It is a very pervasive illness.

So, what is this monster? One description is “A mental health disorder characterized by persistently depressed mood or loss of interest in activities, causing significant impairment in daily life.” The monster isn’t limited to any particular group. It does not play favorites. My friend David Woods Bartley’s clinical depression was very severe; he stood on a bridge, ready to end his own life. He spoke about his experience and a continuing battle with the monster. To see the entire interview with David Woods Bartley, click on

The truth is, mental illness doesn’t look a certain way. As it stands now, its many evil incarnations are inflicting devastating harm on people in all demographics and all parts of their lives; home, worship, school, and work. Recent suicides of the famous, the accomplished, and the seemingly content point to the fact that much lies behind a forced smile, a distracting joke, or a “perfect” life.

Under the best of times, millions of people suffer from depression. The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) estimates that 16.2 million U.S. adults had at least one major depressive episode in 2016. It represents 6.7 percent of the U.S. adult population. Depression is most common in ages 18 to 25 (10.9 percent) and individuals of two or more races (10.5 percent).

So, what causes depression, and is there a cure?

According to a June 24, 2019 study, the Harvard Health Publishing at the Harvard Medical school reported:

There are many possible causes of depression, including faulty mood regulation by the brain, genetic vulnerability, stressful life events, medications, and medical problems. It's believed that several of these forces interact to bring on depression.

According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC) research, there’s no single cause of depression. Brain chemistry, hormones, genetics, life experiences, and physical health can all play a role. What this tells me is we don’t know what triggers depression.

As the fallout from the COVID and our tariff crisis’s continues to affect the world, fatigue is becoming a genuine mental health issue. More isolation, more closures, more missing holidays with loved ones, more doubt about our jobs, and more deaths. Anxiety, frustration, and isolation are sucking the air out of the room. Even the strongest of us feel the effect.

So, what are some of the symptoms of depression:

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) defines a major depressive episode as at least two weeks of a depressed mood or loss of interest or pleasure in almost all activities, as well as at least five other symptoms, such as:

1. Sleep issues on an almost daily basis (either difficulty sleeping or sleeping too much)

2. Changes in appetite and weight (difference of more than 5% body weight in a month) or a decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day

3. Decreased energy or fatigue almost every day

4. Difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and thinking clearly

5. Psychomotor agitation or retardation that is observable by others (slow physical movements or unintentional or purposeless motions)

6. Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, a suicide attempt, or a specific plan for suicide

So, we don’t know the exact cause of depression. We do know many of the symptoms. Is there a cure? Sadly no. Depression is treatable, as described in verywellmind.com:

Depression is very treatable. But, only about half of all Americans diagnosed with depression in a given year get treatment. Those who do seek treatment wait months or years to get help.

Many individuals with depression who seek treatment are under-treated. Studies consistently show a combination of talk therapy and medication can be most effective in treating depression. Here are the latest statistics on depression treatment: Only 1 in 5 people receive treatment consistent with current practice guidelines. 35% of adults with depression receive no treatment at all.

As David Woods Bartley said in my interview:

The monster wants to separate us, to isolate us from friends, family, and our social circle. If we don’t seek help, we will feel alone, useless, and hopeless. We must build and maintain strong relationships, or it will take over our thoughts and convince us there is no use living. The monster will win.

What steps can we take to combat the monster? Do little things that make us happy. Small steps in conjunction with professional guidance will slowly bring us out of isolation. It takes the beast out of its comfort zone. Small steps like:

• Call or visit a friend

• Bake cookies

• Dance

• Do yoga

• Eat a healthy, delicious meal

• Make a playlist of your favorite songs

• Meditate

• Play with your pet

• Practice a hobby

• Read a book

• Take a relaxing hot bath

• Watch a funny online video

• Watch your favorite movie or tv show

• Write in a gratitude journal

 Stepping Stones to Avoid Landmines & Quicksand

1. What has depressed you or caused you anxiety recently?

2. Where are your “go-to” connections when feeling depressed? How do they help?

3. What activity helps to reduce your stress during the day?

4. What is your first action or reaction when depressed? Does it help or make things worse?